I Deserve This

With this being Black History Month, we reflect on how Blacks overcame racial prejudice and tyranny. From slavery, to segregation, to being "equal" black folks have endured hardships beyond comprehension. We are free, in the general sense of the word, but a lot of people are slaves to inferiority complexes. This is a dangerous mindset, that's been handed down from generation to generation, that says, "because you have something that I don't have, you're better than me" or "I don't deserve to be in the same company as you because you have something I don't." What a sad way to live life. 

I experienced feeling inferior for a brief moment this weekend. I had a piano lesson in a town that I was somewhat familiar with. I'd been there many times but I'd never been to this particular part. As I pulled on to the street where the house was, I said, "OH LORD!" I noticed that there was no debris on the street and there was at least 100 yards between each house. The houses were huge, grass neatly cut, 3 car garage minimum! As I continued driving on the street, the houses were getting even bigger and I began feeling smaller and smaller. In my head I was thinking that I didn't even belong on the street, especially with my dented up Toyota Corolla and all the cars parked by the homes were luxury vehicles. I thought, "how did I end up here?" "am I on the wrong street?" All of these negative self images came to mind. I, being a kid from humble beginnings, who's now working super hard to make things work for my family, am about to rub elbows, well teach piano, with some little rich kid who probably has more money in his account than I do. When I finally got to the house, I took pictures of it because I wanted to show everyone how totally baffling this situation was for me. And to make matters worse, when I got in the house, they asked me to take my shoes off but there was no carpet. So me, already feeling inferior from being in this affluent neighborhood, was now feeling even more inferior because (in my mind) only rich people take their shoes off in a house where there's no white carpet. But I pressed on and of course they were the nicest people in the world and the lesson went pretty well. 

As I left I began to shake my head, feeling like I was in way over my head. The owners of the house were very well off, very well known, and very well connected. Out of all the celebrity contacts they had, why did they want me? That thought rattled in my mind for a minute and it brought about other thoughts I had while growing up. Occasionally, I would feel like I didn't deserve the best because of where I came from or how I looked or how much money was in my pocket. But then I began to think on Deuteronomy 28:13 which says, "And the Lord shall make thee the head, and not the tail; and thou shalt be above only, and thou shalt not be beneath; if that thou hearken unto the commandments of the Lord thy God..." This really shook me up and I had to rebuke those negative thoughts because it was causing me to live believe that I wasn't good enough. I didn't have any reason to feel inferior because I didn't have as much money as they did. Of course it would be nice, but I have everything I need right now. I have a loving family and support system. I have multiple incomes. I own two cars and pay my own rent. Most of all I have Jesus! And he's all I'll ever need! I may not have all the material things that I want right now, but they're on their way. I'm not even 30 yet and I'm doing better than most people in the world. I had to affirm and declare to myself that am a child of the King and an heir to the royal bloodline. After that little self-check, I felt a lot better and began to say to myself, "why not me?" Certainly I have the talent and know-how, so why not me?

It is my prayer and hope that my children never feel inferior. When you feel less-than or inferior, you hold yourself back from a lot that life has to offer. Just think of the things you didn't do because you felt you weren't smart enough or beautiful enough. Where would you be in life? Who would you have met? Where would you have gone? What would your life be like now, if you had just stepped out on faith and the fact that you deserve this? I always tell my kids, especially my sons, "nothing or no one is too good for you." I know there will come a time when that's going to be tested but they'll always have the words of their father and the word of THE father! 

So as we continue to celebrate the amazing story and legacy of the African-American, let's remind ourselves that even though we were enslaved, even though we were beaten and killed, even though we were made to feel inferior, we have triumphed and are now free. We have overcome slavery and segregation in the technical sense but let us overcome segregating ourselves from life because we are slaves to an inferior mindset.

-SP